Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing When Religion Has Harmed You
This article answers the question: How do I know if I experienced spiritual abuse, and how is it different from general religious trauma?
Synopsis
This article defines spiritual abuse and how it is not religious trauma. It provides symptoms of spiritual abuse, explains manipulation techniques of religious leaders, and offers tips on how to detect and heal from the damage.
We've been talking about religious trauma and leaving faith for the last eight weeks. Today we're addressing spiritual abuse. Not all people who have religious trauma were spiritually abused, but many were. Making this distinction is important because spiritual abuse needs to be healed in a special way. If you've managed to break free from religion and are wondering if what you experienced was normal or abusive, you're in the right article. Spiritual abuse is real. It's not your fault. Knowing is half the battle to healing.
What Is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse exists when religious leaders abuse their authority to control, manipulate, or harm people [1]. They deploy religion, scripture, or spiritual authority as weapons to exert control over others. The main difference is control and power. Religious trauma can still be present when people are good intentions. Spiritual abuse involves leaders deliberately manipulating and exploiting people. Spiritual abuse typically includes the use of scripture to justify harm, appealing to God's authority so that one is not held accountable, and shaming people for questioning and fear of spiritual consequences [2]. Spiritual abuse can occur in all religions. No religion is immune. Spiritual abuse can happen in churches, temples, mosques, and other worship sites. It might be done by pastors, priests, rabbis, imams, elders, or other leaders.
How Spiritual Abuse is Different from Religious Trauma
Religious trauma is emotional and psychological harm caused by adverse religious experiences. It can include anxiety, depression, trouble trusting others, and identity issues. Religious trauma can be caused without any deliberate act to cause harm.
Spiritual abuse is one of the causes of religious trauma. Spiritual abuse is control and manipulation with intent. All spiritual abuse creates religious trauma, but not all religious trauma involves spiritual abuse. You could have religious trauma from controlling beliefs or fear-based teachings without necessarily being abused.
This is crucial to healing. If you've been spiritually abused, you're not just recovering from unhealthy beliefs. You're recovering from abuse that needs special therapeutic approaches.
Indications of High-Control Religious Groups
Abuse tends to happen in high-control religious groups. They possess some traits that enable abuse to occur. By identifying these signs, you will be able to recognize whether your experience was abuse or not. High-control groups demand unconditional compliance with the leaders. They inform members that questioning the leaders is equivalent to questioning God. They isolate members from outsiders, including family and friends. They control what members read, watch, and listen.
These groups control people by fear and guilt. They remind members all the time what will happen if they depart. They threaten to send them to hell or lose their salvation. It creates psychological captivity in which people believe they cannot depart. Other signs include teachers who claim special revelation directly from God, rule of conduct by strict guidelines, punishment for disobeying, and an "us vs. them" mentality [3]. If your spiritual community had many of these traits, chances are you were spiritually abused, though you might not have known it then.
Manipulation Tactics Used by Abusive Leaders
Abusive leaders use specific tactics to keep people in line. Understanding these tactics will help you more fully grasp what happened and why it was hard to leave.
Intimidation and fear: Threats are employed to control behavior on the part of leaders. They can threaten punishment from God, missing salvation, or hell. This keeps people in line due to fear.
Guilt and shame: Abusive leaders constantly remind people they're sinful and not good enough. They make the climate so that people never feel good about themselves. This keeps people in need of approval from the leader.
Love-bombing: Abusive groups shower new members with love and attention at first. This creates extremely strong emotional bonds that are hard to be pulled out of later.
Isolation: Leaders isolate members from the outside world. They might discourage outside relationships, limit outside information, or create busy schedules. This keeps members dependent on the group for all social needs.
Gaslighting: When the members ask questions, the leaders deny or minimize the problem. They can say things to members such as "You're not spiritual enough to see" or "Your skepticism is Satan." This makes members doubt what they experienced.
Moving the goalposts: Members are never going to win, no matter how much effort they put forth. Expectations continue to shift. This continues to keep people reaching and never in a place of security.
Spotting Spiritual Abuse in Your Life
If you're unsure whether you were spiritually abused, consider these questions: Did leaders take authority that was unquestionable? Were you punished for questioning? Did you fear spiritual retribution if you left? Were you isolated from non-members? Did leaders use scripture to justify abusive behavior? Did you feel you were never good enough? Were you told that your thoughts or feelings were evil or wrong? Did the authorities take the good but blame the bad on you? Were you blamed for others? Did it seem impossible to leave in fear?
If you answered yes to most of the questions, you most likely did experience spiritual abuse. You will hurt if you know this. You might feel stupid or angry that you didn't know it sooner. These feelings are to be expected. You must remember that spiritual abuse is supposed to go unseen. Abusers are masters at making their control look normal, even godly. The fact that you did not perceive it doesn't make you weak. It means the abuse worked.
The Impact of Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse causes serious psychological harm. Besides overall religious trauma, survivors usually have personal problems. They might not be able to trust their own judgments since they were instructed that their perception was untrue. They might struggle with all authority figures, not just religious ones. The majority of survivors are always on the lookout for manipulation. They might find it difficult to be intimate because they learned that closeness leads to exploitation. They will have issues with self-esteem since they were told that they weren't good enough.
Spiritual abuse may result in complicated trauma or C-PTSD. This is when abuse is prolonged over a great period. Symptoms include emotional flashbacks, trouble with managing feelings, negative self-perception, and relationship issues. Understand that your symptoms are a normal response to abuse, and not something that is wrong with you, in order to heal.
Healing from Spiritual Abuse
It is possible to heal from spiritual abuse, but it takes special techniques. General religious trauma therapy is helpful, but spiritual abuse survivors generally need additional abuse recovery and manipulation recovery support. First is recognizing and naming what happened. Naming it abuse, not "a bad church experience," validates how real it was. It helps you understand why you're having the trouble you're having and what you need to heal from.
Learning about abuse is also required. Understanding how manipulation is done and why you didn't catch it helps you make sense of your experience. It dispels shame and blame. Most need trauma-based therapy like EMDR or trauma-based CBT. Both enable traumatic memories to be processed and their emotional charge to be desensitized. They can help reduce flashbacks and nightmares. You have to trust yourself again. Spiritual abuse prevents you from trusting your own feelings and perceptions. Healing means learning to trust yourself again. It will take time.
Support and Resources
You don't have to heal by yourself. Spiritual abuse survivors have groups. The Reclamation Collective provides help and information. Journey Free offers religious trauma syndrome recovery. Faith After Deconversion is a group and podcast for fundamentalism leavers.
Online support groups can introduce you to others who understand spiritual abuse. Hearing what other survivors have endured makes you feel less alone. It also provides you with helpful advice on how to heal.
It is important to find a therapist who is knowledgeable about spiritual abuse. Not all therapists know about this kind of harm. Request therapists with experience in religious trauma, cult recovery, or complex trauma. They must be knowledgeable about power dynamics and manipulation techniques.
You Are Not Alone
If you've been spiritually abused, you might feel alone and ashamed. You might wonder how you could have been so "blind." Spiritual abuse is not your fault. Abusers are manipulative and they create systems to catch people. That you're out is a sign of strength, not weakness. Thousands have been spiritually abused and healed. So can you. Healing takes time, effort, and sometimes professional help. But you can recover from spiritual abuse and regain your sense of self, your trust, and your ability to have healthy relationships.
With the end of the year approaching, you might be reflecting on your path away from abusive religion. Recognizing spiritual abuse is a giant leap. It allows you to heal more fully and build a life free of control. If you're finding the aftermath of spiritual abuse difficult to navigate, there is help available through specialized therapy. As a counselor familiar with spiritual abuse and religious trauma, I assist survivors in working through their experiences, restoring trust, and recovery from controlling religious settings. You deserve care from someone who "gets it." Call today to schedule a consultation.
References
[1] Ward, D. J. (2011). The lived experience of spiritual abuse. Mental Health, Religion & Culture, 14(9), 899-915. https://doi.org/10.1080/13674676.2010.536206
[2] Oakley, L., Kinmond, K., & Humphreys, J. (2018). Spiritual abuse in Christian faith settings: Definition, policy and practice guidance. The Journal of Adult Protection, 20(3/4), 144-154. https://doi.org/10.1108/JAP-03-2018-0005
[3] WebMD. (2024, September 18). Spiritual abuse: How to identify it and find help. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-spiritual-abuse
Meta Description: Learn to recognize spiritual abuse and how it differs from religious trauma. Understand manipulation tactics used by high-control religious groups and find resources for healing from spiritual abuse.