You Made It Through: Reflecting on Holiday Grief and Moving Forward

Now that the holidays are over, what do you do with the grief you're still carrying, and how do you move forward into a new year without your loved one?

Synopsis

The holiday season is particularly difficult for grieving people, but making it through doesn't mean the grief ends. This summary article acknowledges the accomplishment of surviving the holidays while addressing the reality that grief continues. Research shows that grief doesn't follow a linear timeline, and the transition from holiday season to new year can bring both relief and new challenges. This article reflects on common experiences during holiday grief, validates what readers may have felt, and offers perspective on continuing to navigate grief in the months ahead. 

You made it.

The holidays are over: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year's—whatever holidays you celebrate or endure—they're behind you now. You survived them without your person, and that's no small thing. Maybe you survived them well. Maybe you found moments of connection or comfort. Maybe you created new traditions that felt meaningful. Or maybe you barely survived. Maybe you cried through most of it. Maybe you skipped traditions you couldn't face. Maybe you disappointed people or let yourself down. Either way, you made it through. And that matters.

What the Holidays Might Have Taught You

The first holiday season after loss—or any holiday season while grieving—teaches you things you didn't want to learn. You might have learned that grief doesn't pause for celebrations. You might have learned that other people don't understand how hard this is. You might have learned that you're stronger than you thought, or more fragile, or both at the same time.

You might have learned which traditions you can keep and which ones you need to release. You might have learned who shows up for you and who doesn't. You might have learned that you can survive things you thought would destroy you. These lessons are painful, but they're also evidence of your resilience. You're learning to live with loss, and that's one of the hardest things a human being can do.

If You Struggled More Than You Expected

Maybe you thought you'd be okay, but you weren't. Maybe you thought you could handle the traditions, but they broke you. Maybe you thought you were healing, but the holidays proved you're still devastated. This doesn't mean you're failing or regressing. Grief isn't linear. You can be doing well for weeks or months and then have a holiday, anniversary, or random Tuesday that completely undoes you.

According to research published in Scientific American (2024), grief affects approximately 95% of people who have experienced loss with symptoms of physical or mental distress. The holidays intensify these effects because they're designed to emphasize togetherness, gratitude, and joy—all of which feel impossible when you're missing someone. If you struggled more than you expected, you're not weak. You're grieving. And grief doesn't follow a schedule or respect your expectations.

If You Felt Guilty for Moments of Joy

Maybe there were moments during the holidays when you laughed or felt happy, and then felt guilty. This is common, but unnecessary. Feeling joy doesn't mean you've forgotten your person. It means you're human, capable of holding grief and joy at the same time. Your loved one wouldn't want you to suffer forever. Allowing yourself moments of light isn't betrayal—it's survival.

If You Changed or Abandoned Traditions

Maybe you changed traditions that used to be important. Maybe you skipped gatherings you always attended. Maybe you didn't decorate, or didn't cook, or didn't participate in rituals that felt too painful. And maybe you feel guilty about it.

But changing or abandoning traditions doesn't dishonor your loved one. It honors your grief. It acknowledges that you're navigating a reality you didn't choose, and you're doing the best you can. Traditions can evolve. What felt impossible this year might feel different next year. Or it might not, and that's okay too. You get to decide, year by year, what traditions serve you and which ones don't.

If You Disappointed People

Maybe you canceled plans. Maybe you didn't show up the way people expected. Maybe you were withdrawn, or emotional, or unable to participate in the ways you usually would. And maybe people were disappointed or upset with you. Here's what you need to know: you're not responsible for managing other people's expectations while you're grieving. You're responsible for surviving your loss, and that's more than enough.

 People who haven't experienced profound loss often don't understand how devastating it is. They might expect you to "be yourself" or "get back to normal" on a timeline that doesn't match your reality. Their disappointment is about their expectations, not your failure. You're doing the best you can. That's all anyone can ask of you, and it's all you should ask of yourself.

The Relief and Sadness of January

Now that the holidays are over, you might feel relief. The pressure to celebrate, to be grateful, to participate in joy—it's gone. You can return to regular life, where grief is still hard but at least it's not amplified by cultural expectations of happiness. But you might also feel sadness. The holidays, as painful as they were, kept you busy. They gave you something to focus on. Now that they're over, you're left with ordinary days and the ongoing reality of your loss.

Both relief and sadness are normal. Grief is full of contradictions. You can be relieved that the holidays are over and sad that they're over. You can be glad you survived them and devastated that you had to survive them without your person.

All of it is okay.

What Comes Next

The new year brings its own challenges. There's cultural pressure to set goals, make resolutions, and focus on fresh starts. But when you're grieving, the idea of a "fresh start" can feel absurd or painful. You don't have to set goals. You don't have to make resolutions. You don't have to pretend that a new year changes anything about your grief. But if you want to set intentions—not goals, but gentle intentions—here are some that might fit:

Intention to be gentle with yourself. Grief is hard enough without self-criticism. This year, practice being kind to yourself when you struggle, when you can't do what you used to do, when you need more support than you think you should.  

Intention to honor your grief. Instead of trying to "get over it" or "move on," honor your grief as a reflection of love. Let yourself feel it, express it, and carry it without shame. 

Intention to ask for help when you need it. You don't have to do this alone. Whether it's asking friends for support, joining a grief group, or working with a therapist, reaching out is strength, not weakness. 

Intention to let go of what doesn't serve you. Relationships, obligations, traditions, expectations—if they're not serving you, you have permission to release them. 

Intention to find small moments of light. Not forced positivity or toxic gratitude, but genuine moments of connection, beauty, or peace. They won't erase your grief, but they can coexist with it.

Grief Doesn't End, But It Changes

One of the hardest truths about grief is that it doesn't end. Your person is gone, and that loss is permanent. You'll carry it for the rest of your life. But grief does change. The intensity might lessen over time. The triggers might become more predictable. The waves might come less frequently, even though they're still powerful when they hit.

Research shows that most people don't "get over" significant losses, but they do learn to integrate them. Grief becomes part of who you are, rather than something that consumes you entirely. This doesn't happen on a timeline. It doesn't happen because you work hard enough or do the right things. It happens slowly, unevenly, with setbacks and breakthroughs, over months and years. You're in the middle of that process right now. You're learning to carry your grief while also living your life. Some days you'll do it well. Other days you'll barely survive. Both are part of the journey.

When to Seek Professional Support

If you're struggling to function, if grief feels like it's getting worse instead of better, if you're having thoughts of not wanting to live, or if you're using substances to cope, professional support can help. Grief therapy, particularly approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR, and narrative therapy, can provide tools for processing loss and building a sustainable life alongside grief. Many therapists specialize in traumatic grief and understand the unique challenges of losing someone in sudden, violent, or otherwise traumatic circumstances. Seeking help isn't admitting defeat. It's recognizing that some losses are too profound to process alone, and that's okay.

You're Not Alone

Grief is isolating. You might feel like no one understands, like you're the only person who's still struggling, like everyone else has moved on while you're stuck. But you're not alone. Millions of people are navigating grief right now. They're also struggling through holidays, questioning whether they'll ever feel okay again, wondering how to survive the next day. Your grief is unique to you and your relationship with your person, but the experience of grief is universal. You're part of a community of people who understand what it's like to lose someone and have to keep living anyway.

Acknowledging Your Strength

You might not feel strong. You might feel broken, exhausted, or barely holding on. But here's what strength actually looks like:

•Getting out of bed when you don't want to

•Surviving holidays without your person

•Asking for help when you need it

•Setting boundaries to protect yourself

•Crying when you need to cry

•Continuing to live even though it's hard

You're doing all of this. That's strength. Not the kind that looks impressive from the outside, but the kind that keeps you alive when everything in you wants to give up. You're stronger than you think. And you're doing better than you feel.  

Moving Forward Without Moving On

There's a phrase that's become common in grief communities: you don't move on from grief, you move forward with it. Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting your person or "getting over" their death. It means learning to carry your grief while also engaging with life. It means finding ways to honor your loss while also allowing yourself moments of joy, connection, and meaning. This isn't betrayal. It's survival. It's building a life that includes your grief rather than being consumed by it. You're already doing this. You survived the holidays. You're reading this article. You're still here. That's moving forward.

What You Need to Hear

You made it through the holidays. That's an accomplishment.

Your grief is valid, no matter how long it's been or how you're expressing it.

You don't have to be "over it" or "better" by any particular timeline.

It's okay to struggle. It's okay to need help. It's okay to not be okay.

You're allowed to change traditions, set boundaries, and prioritize your own survival.

You're allowed to feel joy without guilt and grief without shame.

You're doing better than you think you are.

And you're not alone.

References:

Penberthy, J. K. (2024, December 18). How to Manage Holiday Grief in Yourself and Others. Scientific American. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-manage-holiday-grief-in-yourself-and-others/

If you're navigating grief after the holidays and need support, Serenity Professional Counseling can help. We specialize in traumatic grief and understand that surviving the holidays is just one part of a much longer journey. We're here to support you as you move forward with your loss.